Note to Self

    Lately, ever since the new president’s inauguration, I’ve been passionately expressing protest for his administration and choices, with no boundaries even when it comes to friends, family, or peers. While I do think it’s important to fight for what’s right and protest injustice, the response I receive from people such as when I’m met with indifference makes me question: How do I balance my passion for truth and justice while respecting others’ autonomy? What’s my intent vs. my impact? At the heart of my question, I know caring deeply isn’t inherently wrong, but I need to practice balancing that care with patience and humility.

    The other day I got into a heated argument with my best friend—we went into a back and forth about other’s’ characteristics and pointed out questionable behaviors or beliefs that we didn’t like about each other. One thing she said that stuck with me was that I tend to preach my beliefs onto people who aren’t going to change. While having the same baseline moral compass as each other when it comes to politics or who we are as people, we differ in the sense that I look into things more and intellectualize information to bring myself more certainty and security in what I believe in, especially in a world where facts and truth already feel fabricated half of the time. While not outright shoving my beliefs into people, if the conversation of new policies or unjust laws are brought up, I’m bound to speak up about it due to my sense of self righteousness as if I need to prove something to them. In that regard she’s right—I won’t be able to change an already ignorant person’s mind because they are that way for a reason. But how else am I supposed to go about it? This burning intent to educate or stand up for what’s right isn’t dying by any means.

My intent is to help and protect the victims of whatever new policy is being implemented, because activism and protest can make a difference even if it’s coming from one person. While that is my intent, the impact/way they take it can come off differently, maybe as pressure or even disrespect to their opinion. That’s especially true if they’re not ready to hear it or if they interpret my opinion as judgement (fair though, because half of the time I am depending on how serious the topic is).

    My intent mixed with my impact create something entirely new: imposition. My efforts look like pushing my beliefs and not accepting disagreement or hesitation—no matter how good the intention is. I want to work on this awareness properly because before when I tried acknowledging it, it was hard to not be defensive and resort back to my usual habits. While I know that I value certain values deep down, I have to remember people won’t work with me unless they feel invited instead of cornered!!!

    So as a note to self: as someone who feels anchored in diving deep into fighting against injustice, it’s okay to acknowledge that it gives you sense of control in a world that often feels unstable. But you must remember that my intent does not erase your impact. Your impact morphs into something else, shutting down any conversation that you were hoping to progress with. It’s not about abandoning your values, it’s more about how you carry them. Let your intellect stay sharp, but your presence stay soft. Keep showing up with humility because you’re not here to be right—you’re here to be real.