Defining Romance pt.1

     We were born to love. It’s just human nature. I’ve observed that people always feel the need to explain or intellectualize the meaning behind things, especially something as big of a topic as romance. So how can we look at it? As social beings, humans tend to have an innate drive for love and belonging with others. According to Robert Waldinger’s speech of what makes a good life (Longitudinal Harvard study), he reveals that it’s not wealth or fame that makes you happy, but meaningful relationships with others. This makes sense from multiple perspectives -- socializing helps fulfill a healthy self-concept that’s crucial for your brain development and mental health throughout life. From early childhood, people seek relationships that provide validation and emotional security that build up a sense of identity and confidence, which are essential for healthy psychological development. This need for connection eventually transitions into their future relationships, whether that be friendship, spouses, or anything else that calls for it.

     From an evolutionary perspective, romantic bonds led to reproducing offspring, vital for continuing generations that consequently passed down the skill/desire to also seek out connections. Loving people and forming bonds is the central aspect of human experience.

    

    Biologically speaking, love (along with various hormonal and chemical changes) is an addiction to the pleasure neurotransmitters and hormones that your brain releases (mainly dopaminergic system), controlling motivation from rewards, emotion, and more. When you love someone, all these different regions in your brain are activated, releasing dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and other neural activities that work together to create a beautiful blend of feelings. There doesn’t have to be any logically conclusive reason about someone’s possession or worth to love them, you can just love them because they set off euphoria in your brain.

    Strictly arousal aside, according to Annette Baiser “A Progress of Sentiments: Reflections on hume’s Treatise” Harvard University Press (p. 444), “ love is not just an emotion that people feel toward other people, but also a complex tying together of the emotions that two or a few more people have; it is a special form of emotional interdependence.” The value of love: what do we get out of it? She picks up on the understanding that love, to a certain extent, is a mirror for validating/self-actualizing your character back to yourself. How you treat/act towards your partner will be perceived and then reciprocated by them. We are able to observe ourselves through our loved ones so that we can come to know ourselves better in a way that’s free from bias. The limit to this perspective though, is that we can’t realize flaws through our own means, and we can only define ourselves through the perception of others (not true), and that a relationship exists only to serve your character development. The purpose of a relationship is not to explicitly dwell on what you get out of it, but to properly reflect on your characteristics while loving and cherishing your partner. The big grand reason is that you bring out the best in EACH OTHER, not just yourself. The act of loving increases well-being, long term health, sense of self-worth, and serves to develop our character--aiming to not just know yourself better but to improve yourself in order to mutually benefit the other party.